Where Do I Sign To Become A Member Of This Church Of Bacon?

Metro- Forget getting married by a fat Elvis impersonator – you can now get married by a bacon priest from the Church of Bacon. In Las Vegas, obviously. But the sizzling celebrants are under attack from spoilsports and busybodies, some of whom are almost certainly vegetarian. The ‘Church’ was set up by atheists to protest against discrimination against non-believers (and to marry people amidst the delicious sizzle of bacon). One member is Las Vegas-based magician Penn Jillette – who is ‘our Sunday school teacher,’ the church says. The Las Vegas-based religious organisation claims it is being discriminated against by the bank Wells Fargo, who refused to sign off documents for the church, according to its founder. Founder John Whiteside, a former combat pilot says, ‘We’re not immoral. We’re not un-American. That’s what we’re trying to get corrected.’ ‘We enjoy people mocking us. We mock ourselves. This isn’t supposed to offend anyone.’

Sign me the fuck up!  Let’s do this!  Kinda feel like I’m already a part of this church because of the amount of bacon I consume but I’d like to make it official.  Religion is incredibly dumb for the most part, and the acts people commit in the name of this god or the next are even dumber, but bacon?  Dude, I’ll carry out some atrocities for bacon.  Not that they’d ask me to, but I would.  Maybe throw bacon grease on a bunch of unsuspecting PETA members?  I’ll do it.  No questions asked.  Just say the word.  If the point of this was to get a devoted congregation they couldn’t have picked a better product to be their deity.  Nothing has a higher approval rating than bacon.  Nothing.  I’ll even donate when the collection basket comes around as long as I know the money is going towards buying the church more bacon.  This is what religion should be. Not a bunch of people standing around on Sunday singing bad songs and acting like all the shitty things they do can be overlooked and forgiven because they’re in attendance.  It should be about bacon.  All bacon all the time.

PS- I was a little bummed that this is just a joke by atheists.  They formed this church to poke fun at organized religions.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally cool with atheists and I get their message here, but I also really want there to be a Church of Bacon.  Somebody actually do it.  Don’t make the meetings be on Sunday though.  Fuck Sundays.  Sundays are for sleeping and masturbating.  How about Friday afternoons?  Load up on greasy bacon and then get hammered drunk.  Fridays just got even better.